Painful Reunion
by Cem214
Summary: Totally pointless Sake angst/fluff one shot. Probably a bit OOC too.


A/N: I was bored and started writing and wound up with this. Totally pointless one shot Sake angst and fluff which is probably a bit OOC. *shrugs* ah well, enjoy.

Painful Reunion

He watched from across the road as the girl walked to her truck. She was laughing at something one of her friends had said, her deep auburn hair catching the sun and shining like red gold. Her smile lit up her face making her even more beautiful than before. He thought he could live on those smiles. She leaned her back against the door of the truck, turning away from him to face the people around her. He could see her hands move animatedly as she emphasised some point.

Another car pulled in to the lot, some flashy 4 x 4 and stopped near the girl. She turned to it and he saw her smile falter for a moment before she turned away again. One of her friends moved from between the cars and jumped in to the passenger seat. The girl waved half heartedly as the other car pulled out, a shadow of the former smile still lingering. She turned back to the other girl and guys stood with her and said something else, the smile brightening again before she turned and climbed in to her own truck. One of the guys leaned on the open window edge to say something else, grinning, before stepping back and letting the girl leave. The look on the guy's face made his gut twist. He watched the truck until it turned a corner away from him, but the girl with the bright, passionate smile and fiery red hair never saw him.

-- -- --

"Jake!" I exclaimed, surprised, as I slid out of the truck. I'd just arrived at Three Ponies ranch to work Witch, Jake's monster of a mare, but that pretty much relied on him not being there.

"Hey Brat," He called softly from where he stood leaning on the fence, scratching Witch on the neck, all the while her looking as innocent and friendly as her sweet as sugar brother, Chip.

"What are you doing home?" I asked when he offered no more. It was a weekend, a few weeks before school was due to let out for the summer, and, in theory, Jake should still be away at college.

The cowboy shrugged. "Didn't have much work to do, so I figured I may as well come home for the weekend" He said still without looking at me. Of course. Only girl he cared about was his mare. I had a strange flash of jealousy for Witch in that moment that I tried to crush.

I'd been trying to forget Jake Ely since he left for college last fall. And I kept thinking I had, then he'd show up again and I'd be back at square one. Totally wanting this really hot cowboy, my best friend, who'd only ever see me as a kid he had to protect. I stifled a sigh and leant on the fence next to him, resting my foot on the lowest rung. I earned a glare and swish of the tail from Witch for it, but she didn't snap at me. _I must be making progress._

Jake glanced at me then, gave me a quick assessing look, before focusing on his jet black mare again. "You must be doing something right." I frowned at him briefly and he nodded towards Witch.

"Oh," I felt an unexpected combination of warmth and frustration at his words. That was high praise indeed from him. I tried to hide the irritation though and just shrugged casually. "I guess."

I caught him looking at me out the corner of my eye, and wasn't sure how 'casual' I'd come off. I ignored him turning away. "Well, anyway, if you're back I don't need to work her and I have other stuff I do need to do. So I'll leave you to it. Bye" I called heading back to my truck.

"Wait." Jake spoke quietly, but his deep voice carried and I stopped, looking back over my shoulder at him. He'd turned around and was now looking at me, leaning back so his elbows rested on the fence behind him, crossing one foot over the other at the ankles.

Damn. He looked good. Really good actually. He was wearing a loose black t-shirt and jeans, with work boots, but the t-shirt did nothing to hide the hard, lean muscle he had from spending his life working. And running on the school track team for years hadn't hurt either. His Native American heritage showed in his straight, ink black hair and his perpetually tanned skin. His old black cowboy hat hid his eyes in shadow, but I knew they too were dark brown, almost black and deep enough to drown in. Mentally shaking myself, hoping he hadn't thought I was staring I asked, "What?"

"Come work her." He offered, surprising me. He could only be talking about Witch, but surely he'd want to work her himself while he was back. I frowned and turned to face him fully.

"What?" I asked him again.

He gave me a half smile and gestured at the big black mare stood behind him. "Want to see how she's doing with you. Not just on the ground." He said in his typical way, using as few words as possible and not repeating himself.

I glanced behind me thinking quickly. Sure I'd been planning on working her anyway, so I had the time, but truthfully? Working her in front of Jake wasn't fun. He'd been there the first couple times I'd got up on her last summer, and all he'd done was shout instructions at me. When he'd been home for Christmas, he'd asked to watch me work again, and again he'd spent most of the time yelling instructions at me. It was infuriating. Having Jake watch hadn't been a big deal at Christmas, for the first two minutes. Then the instructions had begun and I'd gotten tense and angry. Which of course Witch had instantly picked up on and started throwing a hissy fit at. Which made Jake yell more and Witch got worse still, and on and on until I'd hit the deck. Thus making Jake wonder about the need for me to work Witch while he was gone at all.

I yelled at him for about 15 straight minutes when he'd suggested it to me and then stormed off, refusing to speak to him for days. I hated it when he treated me like a little kid, and I'd been mad enough about Witch decking me already that I just couldn't take it and had snapped. He came to me a few days later, just before hitting the road to head back to college, and said to make sure I worked on her manners with me. I almost yelled at him again. But I saw his truck full of stuff for college and realised that letting him go after a fight and not seeing him for a couple months, probably wasn't a great idea. So I'd swallowed my pride, turned to him, gave him a brief and stiff hug before assuring him I would and saying good bye.

I wasn't eager to have the same happen again. Witch hadn't decked me much when I worked her alone. Only a few times last year, but none since that day with Jake. We got on fine, or well enough for her to be in shape when Jake was home anyway, but I'd had to find my own way of working with her. Jake couldn't tell me how to make friends with her, but if she were to play up, he'd start telling me how to handle it. I didn't need that, I know how to, but it's different from how he works her. And he didn't seem willing to learn that.

I looked back at him and saw the slight tension in his body that told me I was going to work her for him, whether I wanted to or not. If it was for another reason, I'd probably be fine with it, but I knew the only reason he wanted was because he expected me to_ not_ be able to handle her. With a sigh I dropped my head and headed back towards him. "Sure. No problem." I thought about telling him I'd only do it if he promised not to tell me how to work her, but realised that would only end badly. Instead I walked past him, grabbing a halter off the fence post and heading in to the pasture for the mare.

-- -- --

I stood in the training pen, holding loosely to Witch's reins. I could feel Jake's eyes piercing my back, but I ignored him. "Alright Witchy, no messing today alright? We're gonna pretend your over baring daddy's not watching, right?" I murmured softly, trying to keep myself calm as much as her. I put my foot in the stirrup and lightly jumped on to her back. She fidgeted a little, but then stood. "Atta girl," I whispered under my breath. I could feel the tension in her though. Her focus was on her master, not me. _This could be fun._ I thought darkly. Ignoring Jake's watchful gaze I nudged Witch forwards. She responded by swinging her quarters around so she was facing Jake. I'd been prepared though and sat deeper as she moved, pushing her forwards. She responded by like, putting her head down and breaking to a lope, bucking as she went, no doubt intending to unseat me.

But I was too used to her antics to be bothered. I kept my balance and settled in for the ride, letting her know I wasn't going anywhere. Jake, as expected, was shouting at me now. Telling me to try and circle her, pull her up, get back in control. But not this time. This time I was in charge. I urged Witch faster. She responded and quit trying to buck me off. As soon as her stride had evened I asked her to come to a halt, pulling back on the reins, without jarring her mouth. She threw her head up and listened, sliding to a stop. I quickly spun her around and loped the other direction, heading around the ring. She shook her head, telling me she wasn't happy, but she did as asked. I realised Jake had quit with telling me what to do then, but I didn't look for him. My focus was on the mare beneath me.

After a few more circuits Witch settled and I felt her relax slightly as her ears flicked back towards me. Ha! She was mine. Jake was watching just feet away but her attention was on me. I was elated. But I didn't stop to see if Jake had noticed, instead I let her slow down and instead began to work her in circles and other figures, making her think and work. After a while I decided it was enough and I brought her back to walk to let her cool down. Only then did I look towards the gate where Jake waited outside. I couldn't read his expression. He looked stiff, unhappy, but his face gave nothing away. I looked back to Witch, squashing my annoyance and pulled her up at the gate, jumping lightly to the ground.

Silently Jake opened the gate and I walked Witch out. I half expected him to take her from me, but when he stayed on her other side I walked past him and hitched her to the rail to brush her off. Jake had her saddle off before I had a chance and laid it over the rail before grabbing a brush and working on her other side. He obviously wasn't in a hurry to say what he thought so I chose to ignore him. For once, he could speak first.

After several minutes of working together in silence, he did break. "You did good." He offered. I paused, waiting for the rest. When it was clear he wasn't going to say anything else though I put the brush down and moved around to Witch's other side to look at him.

"That's it? 'You did good'? That's all you have to say?" I asked, my temper rising. He looked at me, frowning. I shook my head in disbelief. "I'm waiting for the apology you moron!" I snapped.

Confusion deepened his frown. "For what?" He asked, sounding like he genuinely had no idea what I was talking about.

I closed my eyes taking a deep breath. I wanted to yell at him, tell him he'd been wrong to get on me at Christmas, wrong to start telling me how to handle her today, that he had no right to assume I couldn't handle her. He didn't know me now. He wasn't here. He didn't know how much I worked or what I did or how well. He couldn't possibly. And yet, he comes back assuming I'm exactly the person he left behind all those months ago. I wanted to strangle him for it.

Instead, I dropped the brush. "Forget it." I said, managing to keep most of the anger out of my voice. "Doesn't matter. You can finish up with her, I have other stuff I need to get done." I just couldn't stretch to saying 'good bye' I wanted to get out of there before my anger either came out or ended in tears. Either way was pointless and would only make things worse. Better to just leave. Jake didn't try to stop me.

_How could he really not see what he was doing?_ I wondered. But I knew it was true. He really didn't see what he'd done. And he really didn't seem to have any interest in accepting that I'm not a kid and I don't need to be told how to do everything any more. Yep. Tears more likely. My vision blurred over as hot, stinging tears tried to fight their way out. I blinked rapidly trying to clear them as I drove.

I hated this. Really hated it. He'd been my best friend since…well, forever. He'd known me better than anyone. Even me spending two years away hadn't changed that. But apparently he was done. I thought back to that moment, not the previous New Years, but the one before. When he'd taken my hand and asked me to walk with him a bit. I hadn't realised I was interested in him until that moment. That warm shock of his skin on mine. And I thought he felt the same. Certainly seemed like it that night. We'd talked a little, but mostly walked in silence, enjoying each others company. He'd even kissed my cheek, saying good night, before he'd left that night. I thought things were changing with us, and I wanted them to. But when I'd seen him the next day he was the same old Jake. He didn't do or say anything that was more than before. And after a couple weeks of it, I had realised he'd changed his mind. For whatever reason, he'd decided he wasn't interested.

Just about broke my heart. I didn't see him for a couple days, thankfully, and it was enough time to realise that as much as that rejection sucked, he was still my best friend and I didn't want to lose him. So I'd decided to forget that night happened. And Jake kept it that way. We spent a fair bit of time together that summer, before he left, but he never did anything beyond friendship, never gave any sign he wanted it. And more than that, seemed determined to treat me as a kid. Something he'd about stopped doing. As the summer had worn on, he'd spent more time telling me how to do what he wanted, than just letting me get on with it. Watching over me in case I needed help. I'd told him a few times to leave me alone, but he didn't. And when he came back, as happy as I was to see him, things hadn't changed.

I hadn't realised it until he'd said it, but the last thing I wanted from him was for him to tell me I'd done good. I knew that already. I'd known it months ago. I didn't need him to tell me that. I wanted him to apologise for being a jerk and to treat me like an adult. I smacked the steering wheel in frustration as I pulled in to River Bend. Swiping a hand across my face, removing the last of the tears, I realised they weren't for his words then, but for the loss of a friendship. I may care about him, heck even love him, but unless he was willing to accept things wouldn't always be the same, that I wasn't always going to be some kid he pushed around, we wouldn't be friends. Couldn't.

When he'd come back from college, I'd never expected things to be as they were. For him to treat me the same, for him to be the same guy. And he wasn't. He'd changed too. Not much, but you could see it in him, a little. Most people probably wouldn't notice, but I did. His family had. But I'd still wanted him. So I tried getting to know the 'new' Jake, not getting put out by reactions from him that different to the guy he'd been before college. But he'd not done the same for me. He wasn't interested in a lasing friendship apparently. And that hurt. More so than even his rejection last year. Fighting more tears I headed for the pasture to distract myself working my filly and Ace.

-- -- --

I didn't talk to Jake again before he left. I thought about it, I knew we should really talk. But when I'd seen him the day after I'd walked away, I'd realised I wasn't ready. I'd been working with dad, with the cattle, so I'd ignored him and just kept my distance. He didn't seem to have any desire to talk to me either, so that was fine. I didn't want to lose him, and I knew that was exactly what would happen after we'd talked. That would be it, we'd be done. But I was too raw from that realisation to actually have the conversation. I knew not talking to him before he left would buy me a couple weeks, cowardly as it was, and I took it.

Now he was home again, this time for the summer months. We were heading out on round up day after tomorrow, and tomorrow was my 17th birthday. I was dreading it. Gram had thought a bit of a party was in order and had invited the Ely's, Kenworthy's and a few others over for a BBQ. Normally exactly the kind of thing I'd want to do for my birthday, go for a ride with Jen and/or Jake, then spend the evening with my friends and family. But I didn't want to deal with Jake like that. Either I had to talk to him first, and then deal with him being there because anything else would raise too many questions. Or he had to be there without us talking first and I had to pretend we were just fine. Neither option was appealing.

I was out in the desert letting Ace take a drink from a shallow pool when the decision was taken out of my hands. A shadow passed over me as Jake rode Witch up along side us and allowed her to drink too. Ace raised his head and looked at Witch but knew better than to try and say hello to her.

"Hey," Jake said softly, watching me closely from under his hat. I wouldn't meet his eyes though. I wasn't prepared for this right now.

"Hey," I replied quietly, fiddling with Ace's mane.

"You been avoiding me?" He asked.

I looked at him then, feeling a mixture of sadness and frustration, but he didn't give me a chance to say anything.

"Never mind. I get it." He said holding up his hand. "I've been a jerk."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "A jerk?" I repeated.

He had the grace to look embarrassed and ducked his head. But he didn't say any more.

I sighed in frustration. "You're so infuriating. You know that?" I tried, and failed, to keep my anger out of my voice. Ace responded to it lifting his head and dancing under me. "Easy" I soothed. I glanced across at Jake but saw as uncomfortable as he was, he wasn't about to back away. So I swung my leg over the back of Ace's saddle and jumped to the ground. Dropping my reins on the ground trusting him not to stray too far, I wandered a few steps away. Jake hesitated a moment then joined me on the ground.

"Brat," He started.

"No!" I spun around to face him, anger filling me. "Don't call me that! We aren't that any more, we're not that close. You don't have the right to call me it." I threw it at him poking him in the chest for emphasis.

"I know." He replied calmly. "I just…" He stopped and rubbed his neck, clearly uncomfortable.

"Just what?" I pushed. I wasn't going to give him an easy out. Not this time.

He looked at me for a moment, and realising my determination he continued. "It just feels natural, normal. I hate having to think to call you Sam. I hate that this has become what it is. And I hate knowing it's all my fault. I love you. I don't want to lose you and I have and it's all on me. I ignored you, I walked away from you a year and a half ago without a word of explanation and I've regretted it ever since. I never wanted this."

I was stunned. I couldn't say anything, couldn't move. All I could do was stare at him as he fought to hold my gaze, to stand strong when he was terrified I was going to laugh at him. I could see it in his posture, the tension, the frustration and self loathing.

Finally I found my voice, but the words came unbidden, "I love you too." I told him. "But I don't like you very much right now. You hurt me. A lot. And I don't have a clue what to do about it." I couldn't look at him any more. I turned away, rubbing my hands over my face before putting them on my hips and sighing. "We aren't friends Jake. We haven't been since you walked away from me after that night." I realised it was true as I said it. "You got scared, I get that, but you stopped being my friend. You stopped treating me with respect." I kept my back turned, this was hard enough without having to see his face. "I can't deal with that. You wanted to protect me, I get that, but instead of talking to me you ignored it all. What does that say Jake? You weren't a good enough friend to explain it to me. To either tell me you didn't want me after all, or that you did, but it was a bad idea at the time. Either way, you didn't talk to me."

I tried to keep hold of my anger. Anger was better than pain. But I couldn't. The pain came through loud and clear and I hated myself for it. I didn't want him to see how much he'd hurt me. I didn't want him to guess the number of nights I'd cried over him.

I think we were both startled when he moved up behind me and circled his arms around my waist. He held very still, waiting for my reaction. For a moment I didn't, part of me wanting nothing more than to pull away and walk away. But I couldn't. I didn't have that kind of will power. Instead I leaned back in to his hard chest. He held me closer, dropping his head to rest on mine. I slid my arms over his and we just stood there for a while, each hurting from the separation and the closeness.

I don't know how long we stood there, but it was long enough for Ace to get restless. He wandered in to my line of sight and I reluctantly pulled away from Jake to catch him. I took his reins and stood with him rubbing his neck.

"I don't want to lose you." Jake repeated softly from somewhere just behind me. He'd come over with me, instead of staying with Witch. I turned at looked at him then. I took in his high cheekbones, his dark, almost black eyes, the soft fullness of his lips.

"I don't want to lose you either Jake." I hesitated. "Why did you insist on treating me like a kid?" I asked, anger fizzing in me again. "I've spent more time out here working in the past year than you. Did you really think my life stopped without you?"

"No." He replied softly looking away. "I think it moved on."

Whatever I'd expected him to say, it wasn't that. "Huh?" I couldn't help my response.

He gave me a half smile before looking away again. "When I came back for Thanksgiving last year? I came back as school let out. I saw you coming across the car park with Jen and a couple other people. You looked happy. Happier than I've ever seen you at school. And I saw you out with Ace one day, and he was messing you around. You handled him like…I don't know, but I'd never seen you ride with that kind of intuition and confidence." He looked at me with a smile that was part sadness, part pride and part something I couldn't decipher. "You'd grown up. You'd found your place out here and you did it without me. I didn't take that too well. It's what I'd wanted, but…at the same time I didn't know how to handle it. How to deal with you anymore. And I got stupid. Instead of trying to work with you, I treated you as I always did 'cause it's what I knew."

"Jake!" I threw up my arms, exasperated. I took a couple of deep breaths before continuing. "Jake," I repeated more calmly. "I didn't grow up without you, I grew up because of you. It was easy to leave the responsibility to someone else when you took it all from me. But without you here I realised I had to take care of myself, so I did, following your lead I worked more than ever, and did everything I could to learn new stuff. And it was working with Witch that taught me the horse stuff, so that was all you too!" I rolled my eyes at his surprise and hid a grin. "You're really hopeless you know that? All you had to do was accept that I wasn't a kid anymore, that I'd grown up. And hey, that's what you'd been trying to get me to do for years right?"

I sobered up. "It really hurt though, when you started telling me how to handle Witch. I know she's your partner, but I've been working with her for months and without serious injury. So clearly I'd been doing okay right? Then a little resistance from her with you watching, which was because you were watching I might point out, and suddenly I'm being lectured. And you didn't just do it once either. You wouldn't trust me. You trusted her to me when you left for college, but being there to see it, you didn't. Why?"

I wasn't sure I expected an answer. He'd already talked so much. So out of character. And about his feelings too, which was beyond my understanding, so I just took it. But I knew sooner or later I was going to push too far and he'd clam up.

"I don't know." He said evasively.

I studied him for a moment. "Yeah, Jake, I think you do." I pushed softly.

He met my eyes and I was surprised to see fear there. It wasn't obvious, but I knew him, and I could see it. "Because I was scared. Every time I put you on her I was scared. She may work for me but I know she's…difficult. And every time I put you on her, all I saw was this little girl I love on this big black horse who could kill her in a heartbeat."

I got it then. I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it before. Jake hadn't just been trusting me when he'd given me Witch, he'd been trying to trust himself, trusting Witch, heck even my dad, not to let her hurt me. "Witch isn't Blackie, Jake. And not only am I a much better rider now, but I wouldn't get on her without a saddle." I stepped towards him and placed a hand on his cheek, making him look at me. He went still under my touch, unsure of himself and me. "Blackie wasn't your fault. That accident was just that, an accident." I saw him about to speak and stopped him, moving my hand to place a finger on his lips. "No. You can't blame yourself. You have to let it go. It was bad luck, plain and simple. It could just have easily been my dad there with me that day and it wouldn't have changed anything." I told him firmly, believing it with every inch of me.

Jake surprised me again. He took my hand, the one that had a finger across him mouth, and moved it so he could kiss my palm. That little kiss sent shocks through my body. "I'll always blame myself. I can't help it. I was there and you got hurt. You almost died. I thought I'd lost you that day." He suddenly looked a lot younger, with the memories of that day swirling in his eyes.

"Jake," I said softly, stepping closer so we were just inches apart. "You'll tear yourself apart if you don't let it go. You didn't lose me. I'm right here. And nothing you've done in the past eighteen months is irreversible. I've tried to stop loving you, I really have, but it's just not possible. Be my friend again Jake. Trust me to trust my limits and my abilities. I've left Witch in the pasture before because simply getting a halter on her was enough of a challenge and I knew anything more could get me hurt. I'm not stupid with her. I know she's dangerous. You trusted me enough to give her to me. Now trust yourself that you made the right choice."

I don't know when, but at some point I'd dropped Ace's reins again. And the hand Jake wasn't holding was resting on his hip. I curled my finger through his belt loop and pulled him closer, closing those last few inches until I was leaning in to his chest. "Just let it go Jake. Trust yourself." I repeated, whispering across his lips. He was so close. Our foreheads almost touched as he leaned down to meet me. He stopped just an inch away and met my eyes. I couldn't decipher the amount of emotions swirling there in his dark, shadowed eyes. I found myself getting lost in them.

Then he closed that final gap and our lips met. It was soft and sweet and filled me with something indescribable, warm and delicious. I leaned up in to him, dropping his hand and slipping both arms around him to pull him closer. One of his hands tangled itself in my hair, and the other mirrored my own, spreading across my back, holding me tight. We kissed for a few minutes before he pulled back, just enough to rest his forehead on mine.

"Friends again?" I asked softly, smiling. We weren't done. Words wouldn't mean much if he couldn't follow them through with the actions. But this was a start. A real start.

"Oh, yeah." Jake murmured, his voice rough with emotion he wouldn't voice.

I smiled up at him, enjoying the feeling of security in his arms. It had been a strange afternoon. I couldn't believe Jake had been so willing to talk. I wondered if it was the realisation that he would lose me if he didn't, that had finally made him open up. But whatever it was, I was grateful. I knew we'd take it slowly, build our friendship back up again before we really dated. But for now I was content to stand in his arms and let him hold me. I rested my head on his chest and sighed happily.

"Brat?" The caution in his voice caught me a little off guard and I pulled back to look at him.

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell anyone about this okay?" He asked looking like he wished he was just about anywhere else again.

I couldn't help it. I laughed. He swatted at me, I slipped out of his reach. "You think anyone would actually believe me if I told them you'd opened up to me?" I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face as he blushed and looked away, unsure whether to laugh with me or tell me off. In the end he did neither, instead he pulled me back against him and kissed me hard, stealing my breath. When he stopped, I sagged against him, feeling weak.

"Brat." He growled.

I smiled, "Yeah, but you wouldn't love me if I wasn't. And I'm your Brat." I added shyly.

He kissed my forehead softly. "Yeah. Mine."

-- -- --

He watched as the girl walked out of school again, from across the road, like before. She walked out with the same people as before and she looked happy. She stopped by her truck again and glanced around. This time she saw him. When she did, her smile brightened. He'd thought before he could live on her smiles. Now he knew it to be true, those smiles that were just for him. She turned back to her friends briefly and then hurried across the road towards him.

"Hey Cowboy." She called softly as she approached.

"Hey Brat" He replied with a half smile, pulling him to her for a quick hug.

"I missed you." She whispered. Her voice sent shivers through him and he sighed happily, glad to be home again. Yeah. This he could live on.


End file.
